Understanding the Inner Child and How to Reparent Yourself

Somewhere inside each of us lives the child we once were the one who needed love, safety, understanding, and gentle guidance. For many survivors of trauma, that inner child was ignored, criticised, or harmed. The needs we had back then may still be unmet, showing up today in anxiety, shame, people-pleasing, or emotional flashbacks.

Reparenting is the process of becoming the loving caregiver we never had. It is not about blaming those who failed us. It is about recognising that those old wounds deserve attention and healing now from us.

What is the Inner Child?

The inner child is not imaginary. It is a real and powerful part of our psyche that stores emotional memories from childhood. When those early needs go unmet, they do not simply disappear. They live on in the background, shaping how we feel, respond, and relate to others.

You might notice your inner child in moments when you:

Feel panicked after being ignored

Freeze when criticised

Crave praise or validation

Experience deep sadness or loneliness without knowing why

These reactions are not weaknesses. They are the voice of a younger part of you still longing to be seen.

What is Reparenting?

Reparenting means learning to give yourself what you once needed and still deserve things like:

Emotional validation

Safety and boundaries

Comfort and kindness

Encouragement and praise

Structure and consistency

When we reparent ourselves, we build new emotional foundations. We become a trustworthy presence in our own lives. We stop abandoning ourselves when things get hard.

How to Begin

Acknowledge Your Inner Child

Start by recognising that your inner child exists. You may wish to look at a photo of yourself as a child, journal to that part of yourself, or place a hand on your heart and simply say: “I see you.”

Listen to Your Feelings Without Judgement

When strong emotions arise, pause. Instead of shutting them down or pushing through, ask yourself gently: “What do I need right now?” Treat your feelings as messages, not problems.

Offer Comfort and Safety

You might say things like:

“It’s okay to feel this way.”

“You’re not alone anymore.”

“I’m here, and I won’t leave you.”

These words may seem simple, but they begin to build an inner sense of security that may never have been there before.

Set Boundaries Like a Protective Parent

Reparenting also means protecting yourself from environments and people who recreate your old wounds. Learning to say “no” is not selfish. It is safety.

Celebrate Small Wins

Praise yourself for every step forward. Be the kind voice you longed to hear as a child. Celebrate yourself for surviving, for healing, for trying again.

A Lifelong Relationship

Reparenting is not something we do once. It is a relationship an ongoing act of love and care. It takes patience, but it is never too late to start. You are not broken. You are healing. The love you needed back then is something you can give yourself now, moment by moment.